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Monday, January 16, 2012

Dear Future Husband

Something that you should probably know about me is that I need medicine to make me into a real person. Mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants, and stimulants, among others. If you like me well enough to want to marry me, then you know this already. Something that may not have occurred to you, (it didn't occur to me until quite recently) is that in order to have biological children, I'll have to go off of these medications for a significant chunk of time before I can safely get pregnant. Not to mention the nine-ish months of pregnancy, and however long it takes to breastfeed. (I know a woman that had seven children so close together that she was breast-feeding at least one child for almost eleven years straight.) I've always wanted to be that wife for you, future husband. The one who is barefoot and pregnant. My question is this: what if you marry the woman you think I am, and then we want to have a baby, and so I go off of my meds, and you meet this other woman, the one who is sad, and emotional, and angry and mean, and you don't love her the way you love the medicated me? And what if you want to have seven children, and I have to breastfeed for eleven years and you forget why you ever loved me in the first place?

Future husband, will you still love me if we have to adopt our seven children, and they don't look like you?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

10 Things I Wish I Could Tell 10 People: Redacted

1. They may have pretty faces, but you are beautiful. The more I know you, the more beautiful you are to me.

2. I know you try your best, but that isn't good enough anymore. Can't you just try a little harder?

3. She's a dog, she doesn't speak English! And not only is she a dog, she is a good dog, and she is my dog. (If you had someone you loved as much as I love her, I would at least pretend to like them.)

4. Why don't you talk to her? Stupid boy.

5. I'm afraid you'll give up on me, just like everyone else who has tried. Please don't?

6. Why not this? Why not something good?

7. Call your mother, she worries.

8. The most painful thing I will ever have to experience, I have already experienced, and you are behind me now.

9. I can't afford this.

10. Suck it up. You're capable of this.