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Monday, January 16, 2012

Dear Future Husband

Something that you should probably know about me is that I need medicine to make me into a real person. Mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants, and stimulants, among others. If you like me well enough to want to marry me, then you know this already. Something that may not have occurred to you, (it didn't occur to me until quite recently) is that in order to have biological children, I'll have to go off of these medications for a significant chunk of time before I can safely get pregnant. Not to mention the nine-ish months of pregnancy, and however long it takes to breastfeed. (I know a woman that had seven children so close together that she was breast-feeding at least one child for almost eleven years straight.) I've always wanted to be that wife for you, future husband. The one who is barefoot and pregnant. My question is this: what if you marry the woman you think I am, and then we want to have a baby, and so I go off of my meds, and you meet this other woman, the one who is sad, and emotional, and angry and mean, and you don't love her the way you love the medicated me? And what if you want to have seven children, and I have to breastfeed for eleven years and you forget why you ever loved me in the first place?

Future husband, will you still love me if we have to adopt our seven children, and they don't look like you?

17 comments:

E.M.R. said...

Poignant. But don't forget your personal capacity to love. And I'm certain the man who marries you will love as truly and deeply as you.

Brenda*Nery said...

Kelline said...

Hi sister, I wonder as I read your blog if I'm suffering with whatever conditions you're suffering with. I'm sad and angry. I only see the dark side before I see the light. I have to work so hard to be happy. The twist is that I love Jesus and I think He's carried me all these years without medications. But I'm still sad. No matter what I do, I'm sad. If you have any thoughts, find me at http://kellinajewel.blogspot.com

Kendra said...

I will tell you this. When you marry... you will marry the right person. And that is why they say for better or for worse. I have faith in the fact that you will find someone who will love you for who you are on med or not on meds. And PS... All women are just like you! You are not alone! :)

Kendra said...

PS... can I tell you something really weird! My name is Kendra and I have a blog named Baronslittledandelion. Weird hmmm... And I am new to this world of blogging so this is the first time I came about your blog!

Reasonably Cynical said...

There is the right person for everyone. Love is unconditional, my wife has showed me that. Back in my younger teen years I was on all sorts of medicine for extreme depression, adhd, yada-yada-yada. But the past 6 years my life has been ever so changed for the better. When I got married, the tendencies I had, calmed down. Now I am off my all my medicine and It gave me a new lease on life so to say. You will be surprised of the power that true love has. One day you will see. It will open new doors, and show you things you never would have thought possible before. Enjoy Life.!! 8)

Anonymous said...

I had a good friend with your same concerns. But now quite a few years later, she has 7 children, and has done really well, without the meds. So you never know.
Plus, you don't have to breastfeed at all, or for 11 years. Even if you had 7 kids, and nursed each one a full year, that's "only" seven years! No need to be an overachiever! Or adoption is really cool, too.
And an awful lot of people (including myself) get cranky, mean, and depressed while pregnant, nursing - it's expected. Your husband might feel cheated if you weren't!
Cheers!

Kyle Marcellus said...

I appreciate the bluntness of this post...

Whitney said...

I like your blog it's unique :)

Anonymous said...

Your words touched me. I admire your honesty. The truth is that most of us don't know what we were getting into when we said "I do."
There was no promise of biological children. Most of us have no idea we can get pregnant or not. There was no promise of that we carry our babies to term. Some of us don't. There was no promise of health and happy children.
Love is a funny thing. The feeling of love is fleeting. The commitment to love holds you there even on the days you are not sure why you stay.
Continue to celebrate you life, because you are precious to God, single or married.

Susansweaters said...

two of my children are adopted. Many need a good home.

Yemiledu said...

Touching!!
The one who deserves to be your future husband will be the one who loves you in your ups and downs.

<3

łóżka do sypialni said...

fajne

Sarah said...

Beautiful. I used to read your blog back in the fall when I first started mine, but it's been a while. This is super touching. I wish I had words to say....but all I can say is, you really make life beautiful to me. your honesty is very, very lovely, as painful as it may be. You will be a wonderful mother, I pray you are blessed.

ladyrain said...

He must love you that much to stick around with you after all those conditions. If one day he will come, I would be happy for you. :)

latanya loves all said...

3i enjoyed your blog

Juan Carlos Díaz said...

When men love truly, we love truly. So, when a man gets to know you, I am sure he will love you no matter you are medicated or not. I am sure the day he meets you, you will realize he is the right man for you.