angsty post, sorry

this blog is not cute and funny.

i feel honestly and truly, completely crazy today. i will look at something, like a line of poetry, and think it's genius, and then look at it again a few seconds later and wonder if it's the same line because it looks like it's made up of different words to me. i feel far away from what's going on around me, like right now, listening to the click click of the keys, not really sure what i'm saying. and the whole world is just a little bit skewed, like if i stand up too fast i might topple over, and my ponytail is on the side of my head to try and balance me out, but it's not working. and i feel angry and sad and my heart is racing for no reason other than that maybe my blood is rushing through me too fast. my stomach feels empty, even though i know it's not, and then all of a sudden i'm facing the wrong direction, not sure why, holding my head because i have a headache that wont go away no matter what i take, and i can't control my tears, and i don't even know why i'm crying. and my hair is too heavy for my head and i want to sleep but i know i wont be able, and it hurts to just lay there and lay there and not sleep. this feeling scares me. and my head hurts, and my heart hurts, and i don't think there's a medication that can fix this, can fix me.

i need a hug